The Ancient Casket of Kazoos

The Ancient Casket of Kazoos is an ancient relic said to be predate the Universe. Some say each kazoo was individually hand-forged by the Elder God known as Papa Spooky in the Helfires of Muspelheim. Others say The Winter Kazoo made the Casket itself, perhaps it's both, who the fuck cares. The only thing known to be true is: Each and every Kazoo in that wretched, evil box has a unique and diabolical enchantment that only need the player's unwary lips to play a single eldritch note for it to take effect. Perhaps it causes the Tunguska event each time it is played, or maybe it causes that tyrannical tithead Obama to rise to power. Whatever each disturbing artifact does, they must never be played, because they are cursed. It even says that on the box, granted it's written in some unknown, foul language, but still... It is on there, if you wish to play them, it is your own fault.