The Essex Times

The Essex Times is the world's most popular newspaper; it is often as an aid to teach young children how to read. The Essex Times was founded by its current president: Zombie Boitano. The two strongest positions The Essex Times have ever taken are that 1) Mole Cunts is the best show ever and it is constantly and unfailingly hilarious, and 2) that Joey Essex is always wrong and that he is leading ICE T in ridiculous directions whereas Brian Boitano was perfect on every policy. Many critics have actually come out with the belief that The Essex Times was created for the sole purpose of criticising (or in their words "bullying" (the pussies)) Joey Essex.

According to Ron Paul The Essex Times did not exist in the pre-reckoning world.